Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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