the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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