I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
