kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You ruined the universe
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
