I don't remember. Are we still dating?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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