i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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