Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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