Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize