My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
