last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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