Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
