so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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