dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
