Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
