I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
