All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
