so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize