My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
