Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
