I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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