Cold hands, warm shart.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
