i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
