Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
