i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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