I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
and you said cock pushups were impossible
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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