Please, let me fuck your mom
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
