Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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