The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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