if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
