So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
