so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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