I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
