watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
