It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
