JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
