meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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