I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
