wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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