The maid of honor just puked.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you never un-have a 4some
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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