Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
