recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
