hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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