I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Still dying that you shit outside
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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