Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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