I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
