I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
