Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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