you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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