i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
