# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
