I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Randomize