Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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