On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ugly people sure do ruin things
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Shame - the story of my life.
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