i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
