Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
