Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
