saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
