I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize