Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
