I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
