Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
