The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
