I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
