Christians are straight up FREAKS
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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