i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
