You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
