So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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