I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
