i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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