Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
