This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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