It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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