You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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