am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im holly from the hills drunk
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
