I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
