you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
