I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
do herpes really smell.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize